the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
