cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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