If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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