Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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