Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize