the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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