I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
