you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
