Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
im on a boat
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