tell your sister to shave her snatch
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think I just sharted jello shots
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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