My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
