Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
