the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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