i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
