I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
