Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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