If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
