I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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