Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
