i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
