What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
