i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
