My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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