who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
