Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
