last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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