I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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