I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
