he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
