If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
