I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
