I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
