I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
