I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
