Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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