just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
