the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
