I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
