i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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