Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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