How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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