weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
