went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
