Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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