Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
