He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
