I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
