all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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