my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
