honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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