The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
