capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
