On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
