the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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