i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
