I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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