Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
