DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This baby is an asshole
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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