She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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