I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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