he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
