It's Friday. Sex?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
