Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This baby is an asshole
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
