so explain again why im purple
no
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
