Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
