We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
