Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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