he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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