1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
