3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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