i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
