i was rollin on her like bob the builder
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
