its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
