***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
