I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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