Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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