dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
