if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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