I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
