There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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