You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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