You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
3 2 1 whiskey
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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