He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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