Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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