thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
