i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
